Rolling Bomber Special!
by muishiki
Summary: Seems Ranma isn't the only one getting pestered by elite fighting forces! What is poor Gosunkigi to do? Inspired by the Japanese short of the same name.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own any of these characters. This was a writing exercise inspired by "Rolling Bomber Special." My only addition is to set it in the Ranma universe, and run from there. There may or may not be additional changes. This was a writing exercise for my own entertainment purposes and amusement.

- - -

Rolling bomber special.

Hikaru Gosunkugi

It is strange what you think about late at night when you stop by a vending machine to buy a can of soda. I had been up late studying some magic when I got a serious case of the munchies. There was a tiny convenience store around the corner from my tiny little apartment, so I decided to go out and grab a snack. Stuffing my head in a toboggan and pulling on a flannel shirt, I headed out into the night.

It had just finished raining, and the pavement was wet. The city smelled… moist, like a locker-room after a team shower. The temperature was cool, though, and the humidity was made it seem colder than it was.

I was on my way back from the convenience store when I realized I had forgotten to buy a drink. There was a vending machine just around the corner from my apartment, so I headed over. Maybe it was the weather, and the thought of cold water, but as I fed the machine my coins and made my selection, I suddenly found my self thinking about Ranma Saotome.

Right before my high-school graduation, I had lunch with Ranma. You could say that he was my mortal enemy, but then again, you could also say he was my best friend. Perhaps Ranma was my only friend, because I was really unpopular during high school. People just made fun of me. They'd say, "Hikaru, you look like the dead walking!" or tease me about my family. Or worse, most people would just ignore me, and pretend like I didn't exist.

Unlike all the other people at Furinkan, Ranma didn't beat on me (without good reason), and genuinely treated me with respect, even when I made some moves on his fiancée. Now, that might not be friendship, but it was a good deal more than I got from any one else. Ranma had his own problems. Besides being cursed to change genders with cold water, he was a high-powered martial artist who drew trouble like a midden heap drew flies. But, he did show me that magic existed, and that if I searched hard enough, I too could wield it.

It was strange lunch, to tell the truth. We didn't have much in common, but somehow we managed to string together a conversation about school, magic, and graduation. Ranma, of course, inhaled his food with inhuman speed and reached across the desk to grab one of my rice balls. "Can I have this?" I shrugged. Ranma tossed the food high into the air and leaned way back with his mouth open. The food landed squarely in his mouth, and he started chewing with relish.

"Thanks, Gosunkugi. You're a nice guy, you know that?"

It was strange that Ranma would say that to me, especially after all the various attempts I've made to either hex him, make his girlfriend fall in love with me, or expose a weakness of his to a rival martial artists. Now, I never thought I was a nice guy, but I didn't think I was bad guy. Especially not one bad enough to destroy the earth.

- - -

The machine spat out the soda I had purchased. I picked it up, wiped off the rim, and popped open the can. I turned down the street and began walking home, when from the blackness five people in colored lycra body suits and matching full face helmets ran towards me.

Their suits were brightly colored one piece items, tucked into boots of the same color. Somehow, it looked like the suit fused into the helmet, which had shaded eye visors that wrapped from ear to ear and were lined with gold fringe. A grill of gold covered where their mouth would be, but other than that the helmets were form fitting and seamless. Red, yellow, pink, green and blue suited freaks streaked towards me, stopping in my path.

The one wearing a bright red suit with an inverted gold trapezoid on the chest spoke first. He stood in the center of the group, right in front of me. "We've finally found you, Hikaru Gosunkugi!"

The one in yellow chimed in. "Stop right there!" That was a female voice.

The guy blue spoke. "There's no Escape…" the rest chorused, "Hikaru Gosunkugi!"

They blocked my path in a line and took up martial arts stances. The guy in red stood in the center, with the blue on his left and yellow on his right. Green stood on yellow suit's right hand side, with pink to the blue guy's left. My soda dropped from nerveless fingers. I followed its path with my eyes, watching the soda spew out of the can as it struck the ground.

Nobody moved.

I cleared my throat. "Umm… Who are you?"

The one in red stood with his arms akimbo, while the blue and yellow person each threw one arm straight up and the other out perpendicular to their torsos. The green and pink suits each knelt on one knee and threw their arms back like a swan dive. They held the pose while speaking in unison. "We are the Earth Defender Freshman!"

I blinked. They must have rehearsed that.

They dropped their pose and took up ready stances again. Green Fresh whipped his arms around in a circle to take on an aggressive pose before shouting at me, "vile fiend intent on destroying the earth…" The Red Fresh finished the sentence for him. "Say your prayers!" The whole finishing each others' sentences bit was freaky. I just realized what they said, though.

"Vile fiend? Me?"

A woman's voice spoke up from Yellow Fresh. "Don't play dumb, Gosunkugi!"

"I'm not playing dumb," I said. "Destroy the earth? What do you mean?

"Do you wish for world peace?" I just stared at Blue Fresh wordlessly. Yellow Fresh nodded in confirmation. "You don't, do you?" The Blue picked up where she left off. "See? You are clearly intent on…" they all chimed in, "destroying the earth!"

Red decided it was time to take action. "Prepare to meet your doom!" He tensed and leapt at me, his foot extended in a picture perfect jump kick. I didn't even attempt to move. I've been around enough marital artists to know how useless I was in a fight. Fortunately, he sailed right over my shoulder and into a stack of garbage cans behind me.

Green growled at me and clenched his fist. "You're pretty tough. Don't be careless, Yellow Fresh! Ready?" She nodded enthusiastically. "Okay!" Together they launched themselves at me with perfect form, sailing right over my head to land in a pile on the asphalt behind me.

"Um... guys?"

Blue Fresh shouted at me. "You're not getting away! Hurricane Beam Attack!" He dropped to one knee and unleashed a series of small smoke-ring shaped ki blasts at me. Being around Ranma, I know exactly how much damage they can do. Fortunately, these moved so slowly it took nearly 15 seconds for them to cross the 2 meters that separated me from my assailants. I didn't even dodge, really. I simply leaned to the side and let them pass me by.

The blue fighter swore.

"That was… a little too slow." I really tried to keep the laughter out of my voice, I swear.

Red, Yellow, and Green had by this time managed to work their way back over to the other fighters until they were all standing in front of me again. They once again dropped into their battle pose.

"It's time for the Rolling Bomber," said Red. They all gave a small cheer and pumped a fist into the air before shouting, "Rolling Bomber!" I don't know where it came from, but in the next second they were standing on a mobile turret that had a gigantic scope and five oddly shaped barrels attached to a circular housing. Lights flickered around the edges of gun and up and down the barrels. It looked like a NERF gun on steroids.

Pink was looking through what appeared to be a large periscope attached to the side of that… that over-grown toy gun. There were some whistles and clicks, followed by some beeps. After about 15 seconds, Pink looked up and shouted, "Target Acquired! OKAY!" She flashed a big okay to her team mates. Red gave her the thumbs up before yelling to his team, "Okay, let's go!" Again, they pumped their fists and shouted in unison, "Rolling Bomber, FIRE!"

A huge, swirling rainbow colored beam shot out of the gun, crackling as electrical discharge raced around the laser. It fell about two feet short of actually hitting me, but the smell of ozone was strong in the air.

I shrugged as they started to murmur about how I could dodge that attack. "It wasn't even close."

Blue banished a fist at me. "You won't give up, will you?" Red caught his mood and spoke to the assembled fighters. "Alright, one more time!" Pink nodded enthusiastically, chiming in, "Let's go, everyone!" Again, they all pumped their fists and gave a small cheer of encouragement. I had to join in. It was just too hard not to.

They were tinkering around with something on the gun as Pink looked through the periscope to reacquire their target. Me. I swung my hand up to rub my face.

"Why don't you guys just leave me alone?"

I had forgotten about the small sac of groceries I was carrying, however. The plastic bag broke mid swing, pelting Pink Fresh with a small rice ball and a tin of tuna. She went flying off the machine, landing on the ground some distance away from the group. To my amazement, her lycra suit and helmet shimmered briefly before vanishing, revealing a fairly attractive girl in a mini-skirt, knee-high white leather boots, and red-leather bomber jacket.

Her allies surrounded their fallen comrade. "Pink Fresh! Are you okay?" Blue shook an accusing finger at me as he hovered over Pink protectively. "You!" He growled, "You're rotten to the core, aren't you?"

"Who are you guys, anyway?"

"You'll pay for that!" Red attempted to jump up and run towards me, but was quickly pulled down by Yellow. "Wait! In ten seconds our teleportation window will close!"

There was general murmurs from the Earth Defender Freshman. Blue swore and asked, "What should we do?"

His question was met with a shrug from Green. "It can't be helped. We've got to let him

go for now."

Blue growled, "We won't forget this!" Yellow fiddled with her watch for a second before throwing up her arms and yelling, "Prism Shield…" The rest of the group shouted "ON!" in unison. And just like that, the disappeared with a little flash of light.

I was so confused. What just happened?

- - -

When I got back to my tiny apartment, I carefully opened the door so I could go in. The place was filled with my stuff. Over the years, I had managed to accumulate a good deal of arcane paraphernalia, and it adorned every square inch of wall space I possessed. Granted, that wasn't much considering the apartment was just big enough for a single bed and a dresser, but little space remained I had was cluttered with my various spell books, stacked in piles almost waist high around the bed. A string of red Christmas lights were stapled to the ceiling in the form or a pentagram.

I kicked my shoes off in the kitchen and walked past the bathroom towards the bed, trying not to tip over any piles of books. There was only about 2 meters from the front door to the back wall of the apartment, and about half of that was occupied by the kitchen and small bathroom that extended off it.

I really didn't even use the kitchen. The sink leaked, and the drip, drip, drip of water splashing on the thin steel was the only sound in the apartment. I stared at the pentagram in on the ceiling trying to make sense of what had happened. I climbed into bed and ate my rice ball. Some time later, because I'm not sure if not sure if I slept, I got out of bed to use the toilet. I took one step towards the bathroom when a flaming arrow flew in through the open window, embedding itself in the wall.

I screamed. Then I blinked. Was the arrow flaming? I can't seem to remember. Anyway, there was a note attached, so I reached up and carefully untied it from the arrow shaft, unfolding it to read.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The letter was simple, but beautifully written in careful calligraphy.

"We will without fail put a halt to your machinations, Hikaru Gosunkugi. We will ensure peace on earth. We are known as the Earth Defender Freshmen! We are coming for you, you vile fiend!"

I heard a movement from the window.

"There's no escape, Gosunkugi!" Red Fresh's eye filled the entire window. I slammed the shutter closed to block out the vision.

"They can change size?"

- - -

Ever since then, they challenged me all the time, even at work and school. I kept trying to tell them they were making a mistake, but they didn't listen. And, it seemed like the only thing they could enlarge were their faces. It was weird to be chased by a bunch of gigantic helmets on spindly little legs and stubby arms. What was even stranger, I routinely beat them when they attacked, even when I didn't try.

Was this how Ranma had felt? To be attacked by inept aggressors for reasons he didn't understand? All the while, ridiculous accusations were constantly leveled at me. Why would I want to destroy the world? How could I even do that?

- - -

I was doing laundry one night at the laundry mat across town. I had taken to coming here because the Earth Defender Freshman kept attacking me (and annoying the other patrons) at my usual laundry spot. I pulled out a weekly comic magazine and started to read when I heard the door open. I looked up and Pink was there. She was out of costume, wearing that short leather mini skirt and white boots, with a tight pink shirt and leather bomber jacket open. She was carrying a bag of laundry over her shoulder.

She looked stunning.

Our eyes met.

She started.

"Where are Red, Blue, Yellow, and that other guy?" I tried to act casual, but I had been to harried for too long not to tense up a little.

She opened the washer a few machines down from me and started to toss in some clothes. I tried not to blush when I got a look at her underwear. It was titillating. "I'm a lone – I've got the day off." She pulled out her battle uniform and tossed it in.

"You wash that too?"

She just looked at me flatly before closing the lid and starting the wash cycle. She pulled out a comic book and, studiously ignoring me, started to read. Out loud.

"Do do do do do do. Chibo, chibo. Torya! Dosu. Kumomomo. Do do do do…"

I looked over my magazine at her. She shrugged.

"I can't read unless I say it out loud." She buried her face in the book again and crossed her legs. I got a good view of her thighs as she did that. "To do do do do…"

I couldn't concentrate any more. "Look," I said, "You guys have it all wrong. I'm not even thinking about destroying the earth? Why would I?"

"Then what are you planning to do to it?" she asked.

She was staring right at me. I felt bad – she still had a bruise from where my can of tuna fish had hit her that first night.

"Nothing!"

"Then what are you trying to destroy?"

"Nothing, I told you!"

"What are you scheming?"

"I'm not scheming, I told you! I've got zero plans. Nada. Nothing."

"What are you planning to do?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

She changed her line of questions. "Who are you?"

"I told you, I'm no body."

"I don't get you." She gave up, her sighs of frustration matching mine.

I leaned back against the machine and closed my eyes. "I don't get you guys, either!"

Then she said, "You're a terrible person."

I was taken aback. Did she know about the things I had done in high-school?

From no where I heard Blue Fresh's voice chime in, "That's right!"

I couldn't take it. I'm about as mild mannered as they come, and about as weak as a kitten. I stood up and threw my comic book against the wall. I stalked over to Pink and stood in her face, yelling, "What in the hell do you want from me? Why do you keep hounding me like this? Who the hell are you guys?"

She stood up and faced me. Our noses were practically touching. Pink yelled right back. "No, who the hell are you?"

The top of the washing machine I had put my cloths in burst open, and Blue Fresh stood up, his waste coming out of the top of the drum. He pointed at me, his other arm back in a ready posture. "Tell us who you are!"

The machine opposite him burst open, and out popped Green. "Who are you?"

Yellow and Red popped out of dryers, effectively surrounding me. They took up combat stances. Even Pink took a step back, readying herself for a fight. They all spoke in unison. "Reveal your true identity, Hikaru Gosunkugi!"

I scrubbed my hands through my hair. "You were here all along…" I muttered.

- - -

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I was staring at my ceiling, tracing the lines of the pentagram over and over with my eyes. I had a book of spells resting on my chest. I couldn't read any more tonight. My thoughts were bouncing around in my head, dwelling on the scene from the laundry mat.

Who am I? Really? Who is Hikaru Gosunkigi? Do I have a true identity? What did they mean about showing my real form? All this introspection was getting me no where – it was only succeeding in making me even more glum than usual. I got up to use the bathroom.

I took one step towards the bathroom when a flaming arrow flew in through the open window, embedding itself in the wall.

I screamed. Then I blinked. Was the arrow flaming? I can't seem to remember. Anyway, there was a note attached, so I reached up and carefully untied it from the arrow shaft, unfolding it to read.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The letter was simple, but beautifully written in careful calligraphy.

"You, Hikaru Gosunkugi, are the one for whom we have been waiting. Please allow us to assist you in your plans to destroy the earth. Hence forth, we will serve as your minions.

Sincerely,

Zarray, the army of evil."

Zarray?

I heard a movement from the window.

I looked down to the street. As far as I could see in either direction, a line of men stood with their heads down, legs spread and arms crossed in front of their bodies. They were wearing green-hooded nylon track jackets with a large golden chain, and black track pants with white stripes up the sides. At the end of the gold chain, the letters HG stood out in massive bling, sparkling in the street lamps.

They looked up at me. They were wearing blood-red masks with oversized, crazy eyes and wicked grins. They tore off their track jackets as a unit, tossing them to the wind. Underneath, they were wearing black sweatshirts with the imprint of a skeleton's rib cage on it.

They raised their arms in a military salute from the chest. In one voice, they cried, "We Salute you, Lord Gosunkugi! We Salute you, Lord Gosunkugi! We Salute you, Lord Gosunkugi!"

The cry echoed through the night air.

- - -

I was never alone after that. When ever I went somewhere, Zarray and his… I guess, my minions accompanied. The Earth Defender Freshman would inevitably show up, and a large brawl would ensue. My minions would jump on the Freshman, who would inevitably manage to defeat them in some series of cheesy martial arts maneuvers. It was okay, though. Because the army of evil kept them so occupied, I was almost able to do what ever I wanted without being pestered.

Ranma once told me, "I can never tell what you're thinking." I never really thought about it before, but I never really understood myself, either. What kind of person am I?

I stopped in the middle of the street. My minions stopped, looking wary, expecting an attack. I turned to them. "You guys want to go drinking?"

50 cheers rose from my army.

- - -

I was at the club, dancing to the music as best I could, not caring for a moment about the Freshman or the Army of Darkness. I hadn't really thought about it, but you know, even if you don't know who you really are, if you have music you can dance, if you have a play station you can play games, if you have a cell phone you can talk for hours. If you have a big helping of food you can eat and be content. So I suppose if I did have the most powerful, evil spell that I locked in my subconscious, I really could destroy the earth if you wanted to.

But why would I want to destroy the world? Was it because nobody had liked me in high school, or was it for some other reason? Is this what Ranma felt? Knowing you had the power in your hand but choosing not to use it?

- - -

The noise of the club was a perfect cover. The Earth Defenders Cannon set up their cannon, and Pink bent down to the periscope to acquire the target. "Target Acquired! OK!" she yelled.

As one the team yelled, "Rolling Bomber Special!" They took a second to pose. "FIRE!"

- - -

I caught a flicker out of the corner of my eye, and turned just in time to see that Rolling Bomber beam heading towards me. I threw my arm in front of my face right before it struck, and the blast hit my upraised limb. It threw me to the ground before bouncing around the ceiling. The club goers screamed and started to run for the exit.

My arm felt funny. I got to my knees and watched in fascination as the skin on my hand started to split, revealing a dark scaly surface underneath. It grew rapidly. Spikes shot out of my forearm as my limbs grew. I could feel pressure on my spine, and I heard the fabric on my back rip as razor sharp spines 4 feet long burst from every vertebrae on in my back.

I wondered where Ranma was. He always dealt with these kinds of problems so well.

I heard Pink yell, "HIKARU!"

I tried to answer, but "who am I!" was the only thing I could say until the transformation was complete.


	2. Chapter 2

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"Who am I?"

I awoke with a start, sitting up in my tiny apartment. Somehow the pentagram of Christmas lights had been torn down, and many of the stacks of books had toppled over. An incredible pain made itself known to me. I gasped, flopping back down on the bed as I realized I ached. _Everywhere_.

Is this what it felt like to be in a fight? It is strange what you think about late at night when you wake up and you aren't sure what is real anymore. My apartment was trashed – the normal crowded mess had been turned into a veritable disaster area. Besides the Christmas lights, a number of posters had been torn down and crammed into the bowl of the toilet. It reminded me a lot of the last time Ranma had transformed into a girl in the middle of the boys locker room, right before graduation.

It was after that lunch I had shared with Ranma. I was too scared at that point to join in with the rest of the perverts trying to get a cheap thrill. Someone splashed him with cold water, then they attempted to dog pile him. Ranma showed them all, of course. By the time he was done, everyone but me had been shoved into a locker or a toilet. It wasn't pretty. When the Principal came to discipline Ranma, none of the boys would admit there was a fight. So Principal Kuno turned on me. I stammered too much to tell him what I saw, so he gave up and Ranma dodged the bullet.

Afterwards, Ranma flashed me a thumbs up.

"Thanks, Gosunkugi. You're a nice guy, you know that?"

It still found it strange that Ranma would say that to me, especially twice in one day. That was the last time I saw him, though. He probably went off to bigger, better adventures somewhere.

I attempted to get up from my bed, still fully clothed in the garments I had gone out to the club with my minions with. Had I gone out? I couldn't remember. My shirt and pants were ruined though, torn to shreds and stinking to high heaven. I guess something must have happened.

I really didn't even use the kitchen. The sink leaked, and the drip, drip, drip of water splashing on the thin steel was the only sound in the apartment. I stared at the remains of the pentagram blinking on the floor trying to make sense of what had happened. Last thing I remember was dancing, then getting hit by… something. After that, though…

I struggled out of the remains of my clothing. Some time later, because I'm not sure if not sure if I slept, I got out of bed to take a shower. I took one step towards the bathroom when a flaming arrow flew in through the open window, embedding itself in the wall.

I screamed. Then I blinked. Was the arrow flaming? I can't seem to remember. Anyway, there was a note attached, so I reached up and carefully untied it from the arrow shaft, unfolding it to read.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The letter was simple, but beautifully written in careful calligraphy.

"The truth of your nature has finally been revealed, Hikaru Gosunkugi. Vile fiend, we shall not rest until you have been destroyed to assure peace on earth. You can not escape us!"

The Earth Defender Freshman

I heard a movement from the window.

"There's no escape, Gosunkugi!" Red Fresh's eye filled the entire window. I slammed the shutter closed to block out the vision.

- - -

The coins clinked as I fed them into the phone, showing the number of minutes I had on the call in red below the receiver. Fifteen minutes. I picked it the handset, wiped off the mouthpiece, and rested it against my shoulder as I dialed the number. The phone was in the middle of the street surrounded by vending machines, but it was the closest one I could find. My minions surrounded my on the street, backs to me as I listed to the dial tone change over to ringing.

I looked down the street and watched in amazement as five people in colored lycra body suits and matching full face helmets ran towards me. Red spoke first. He stood in the center of the group, right in front of me. "We've found you again, Hikaru Gosunkugi!"

The one in yellow chimed in. "Stop right there!" That was a female voice.

The guy blue spoke. "There's no escape…" the rest chorused, "Hikaru Gosunkugi!"

They blocked the alley and took up martial arts stances. Again Red stood in the center, with the Blue on his left and Yellow on his right. Green stood on Yellow suit's right hand side, with Pink to the Blue guy's left.

The Red stood with his arms akimbo, while the Blue and Yellow each threw one arm straight up and the other out perpendicular to their torsos. The Green and Pink each knelt on one knee and threw their arms back like a swan dive. They held the pose while speaking in unison. "We are the Earth Defender Freshman, and we are here to end your evil once and for all!"

I blinked. I'd forgotten how much these guys rehearsed their entrances. It had been a while since I had to deal with them.

They dropped their pose and took up ready stances again. Green Fresh whipped his arms around in a circle to take on an aggressive pose before shouting at me, "The vile fiend finally showed his true colors…" The Red Fresh finished the sentence for him. "We will stop you from destroying the earth!" The whole finishing each others' sentences bit was freaky, but I'd gotten used to it by now.

I shrugged. My minions stiffened and looked at me. I nodded at them, and I turned back to the phone. With a roar, the Army of Zarray raced towards the Freshman. The other party picked up on the phone.

"Hello, Tendo Dojo. To whom do I have the honor of speaking?"

Was that Akane's voice?

I nearly dropped the phone due to nerveless fingers. I quickly gulped, steeling my courage as I found my voice. In the background, I could hear the sounds of a brawl, but it would take a while for the Freshman to deal with my minions.

I cleared my throat. "Akane… Tendo?"

"No, Akane Saotome, actually. Who is this?"

"Uh… this is Hikari Gosunkugi. Is Ranma there? I… need to talk with him."

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. "Yes, he is. Can you hold a bit?"

"Yes." I switched ears with the phone, as the sounds of the brawl made it hard to hear out of the side I was using. The red display numbers on the phone ticked down slowly. I half turned to watch the progress the Freshman were making against my minions. I never really stuck around to watch the battles as the two forces faced off, and I was curious as to how things were going. More than half of my minions seemed to be out of the fight, sprawled haphazardly on the ground, hung over fences, or slumped against walls.

I heard Blue Fresh shout, "That's it! Be prepared - Hurricane Beam Attack!" He dropped to one knee and unleashed a series of small smoke-ring shaped ki blasts at a group of minions. I shook my head in amazement as the blast caught five of my soldiers and slammed them into a wall with enough force to crush a tin can. Honestly! Those moved so slowly it took nearly 15 seconds for them to cross the 2 meters that separated Blue from my minions. Couldn't they dodge?

Blue was quickly dog piled, though. From the looks of things, it wasn't going so well for the Freshman. Red seemed to be clutching his side and breathing heavily, while Green and Yellow were fighting back to back but looking much worse for wear. Blue… well, blue was currently buried under a pile of the Army of Zarray, but before I lost sight of him his visor was cracked and he had a rather irritating looking scrape on his thigh, quite visible through the tear in his bodysuit. Pink seemed to be out of it already, as she was no longer wearing her lycra body suit but rather was lying on the concrete in her white leather boots, clutching her arm to her chest.

I felt bad about that, actually. Maybe they were right about me?

Three minutes passed before I heard a voice on the other line.

"Hey, Gosunkugi! Long time, my friend? What are you up to?"

"I have a weird… problem going on. You always seemed to know how to figure things out. I was wondering if I could come visit?"

Again that awkward pause. "Sure. When can you come over?"

"Would it be okay to come over now?"

I heard conversation over the phone but couldn't make it out. Ranma was talking to Akane. I calmly watched as the numbers dwindled. Three minutes left. I searched in my pocket for some more coins, just in case.

Ranma's voice came back on the line. "Sure. When can we expect you?"

I looked over at the fight. Blue was now down on the ground, but his bodysuit hadn't phased out yet. Red was limping now as well, and Yellow was kneeling on the ground, struggling to stand back up. I saw just a hint of Green passed out next to a group of my minions, and Pink had pulled herself over to a wall and was panting heavily, still clutching her arm. There were still five of my minions in fighting shape. Considering that the five Freshman had managed to effectively hold off ten times their number, I knew my army probably couldn't win.

"It will probably take me about two hours to get there from here. I'm all the way over in Chiba."

"Woah, cool. So, we'll expect you for dinner then?"

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble."

There was more conversation on the other end of the line. The numbers ticked down to one minute left.

"No, no problem at all. Akane's cooking tonight. We'll see you soon!"

"Thank you."

"No problem. Looking forward to seeing you again, buddy!" With that, the line went dead. I pulled the receiver from my ear and looked at it. I hung up, turning to see the remnants of the battle.

"Why don't you guys just leave me alone?"

Pink struggled to stand, pointing her good hand at me. "How could you, Hikaru? Do you want to destroy the world so badly?" She was still wearing a revealing mini-skirt, knee-high white leather boots, but she had a tight white tee shirt on under her red-leather bomber jacket. I blushed and looked away.

Red put down the last of my minions and then collapsed in a heap, panting on the ground. Yellow looked at her watch. "Our teleportation window will close soon!" Red swore. With Pink's help, he gathered up Green while Yellow helped with blue.

Blue growled, "We won't let you get away with this!" Yellow fiddled with her watch for a second before throwing up her arms and yelling, "Prism Shield…" The rest of the group shouted "ON!" in unison. And just like that, the disappeared with a little flash of light.

When the Freshman left, my minions started to get groggily to their feet. I heard moans and swearing. "You guys did great. Take the rest of the day off, okay?" That brought cheers from those with enough energy.

I shrugged. It was just like always. The image of Pink clutching her arm made me feel bad, though. Why was that?

- - -

When I got back to my tiny apartment, I carefully opened the door so I could go in. The place was still a wreck.

I kicked my shoes off in the kitchen and walked past the bathroom towards the bed, trying not to trip over the books strewn across the floor. There was only about 2 meters from the front door to the back wall of the apartment, and with most of the floor space taken up with the disorganized mounds, it took me a while to make my way to my bureau to find a decent shirt for going to Ranma's place.

The toilet was still clogged because of all the posters. I decided that tomorrow I'd have my minions clean the place. The sink was still leaking, and the drip, drip, drip of water splashing on the thin steel was the still audible over the sounds of my brushing my teeth.

I turned around to leave, fully prepared to scream. Then I blinked. No flaming arrow bearing a message flew past my face. There wasn't even a normal arrow, even though I now had quite a collection of them in a bin by the window. I had a strange sense of foreboding as I carefully worked my way to the door.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

With a sigh, I paused a minute just to see if anything changed. When no message came, I left the apartment and headed for the train station.

- - -

The train lulled me to a gentle sleep as I sat down, too lethargic to even read the Shonen-Jump I had bought. Anyway, the stuff in there wasn't interesting at all. An oni from outer space trying to convince a lecherous teen to marry her? I scoffed. Not likely.

The train ride had me thinking, though. Was this how Ranma had felt? Did he feel bad for his enemies, even if they made his life hell? Did he ever want them to go away, even if that meant he'd be alone again? Did he ever feel like destroying them? Why would I want to destroy the world? How could I even do that?

I felt unsettled, though. There was something about last night that I couldn't remember but seemed important.

- - -

As I was getting off the train at the Nerima station, I had a strange prickling at the back of my neck. I stopped and looked down the platform, putting my weekly comic magazine away when the crowd suddenly thinned. I looked up and Pink was there. She was out of costume, wearing that short leather mini skirt and white boots, with that same tight white tee-shirt and leather bomber jacket slung over her shoulders. Her right arm was in a sling, and she had a puffy cheek and slip lip from the earlier fight today.

She looked stunning.

Our eyes met.

She started.

"Where are Red, Blue, Yellow, and that other guy?" I tried to act casual, but I had been too harried for too long not to tense up a little. I wasn't expecting her to be here.

She paused and licked her lips, then grimaced at the pain. "Where are your… minions?"

"I gave them the day off. I'm alone."

"Oh."

I turned and started towards the exit.

"Wait!"

I looked back, and she had her left hand out, as if she wanted to grab my shirt. She shifted her weight. "Why are you here?" We stared at each other for a bit, and then broke eye contact as I started to blush.

"I'm here to see a friend." We looked at each other for a bit, neither moving. "Would you…" I couldn't do it.

"Why are you doing this, Hikaru? What was that you turned into last night? Why do you want to destroy the world?" Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

"I don't know. I don't want to… destroy anything." I shrugged. "I just want to be happy, just like anyone else."

She stepped closer to me, tentatively placing a hand on my chest. I'm not a tall guy, but for some reason I towered over her. She was so small… and with her injuries, looked even more vulnerable than normal.

"We could be happy together, Hikaru. If you could just give up this mad scheme – renounce it all, and together… we could be… we could be… happy."

I looked at her, stunned. "I don't even know you. You don't even know me! How could you say that?"

She looked at the ground. "Your right, Hikaru. But…" She stood on her toes and lightly brushed her lips against mine. "I want to know you better."

The look of shock must have been evident on my face. My concentration shattered. How was I supposed to react to that? "Look," I said, "You guys have it all wrong. I'm not even thinking about destroying the earth? Why would I?"

"Then what are you planning to do to it?" she asked.

She was staring right at me. Her eyes…

Something made me say, "I just want to change it!"

"To what, Hikaru?"

"To a place where I can be happy."

I turned and walked away.

"Wait!" She walked up beside me, clearly favoring one leg over the other.

"What are you planning to do?"

"I told you – I'm here to see a friend."

Pink again hesitated. "Can… I come?"

I looked at her. I really looked at her. I had no idea why she wanted to come, or what she wanted from me, but for some reason, I didn't care.

"Tell me your name."

She paled. "I… can't!"

"Tell me your name, or I go alone."

She shifted again. Finally, after a long silence, she muttered, "Takano. Utada Takano."

"Was that so hard?"

"But now you know my secret identity. You could hunt me down and…"

I cut her off. "Oh please. If I wanted to, I could have destroyed you all long ago." I blinked. It was true, I realized.

"I don't get you." She gave up, her sighs signaling that she had given up.

I leaned back against the machine and closed my eyes. "I don't get you guys, either!"

Then she said, "How can you be so nice and so terrible at the same time?"

"I'm… just a normal guy, Utada. I have no idea what you guys want with me, but I'm determined to find out." I looked around, half expecting the rest of the Freshman to pop out and accuse me. When they didn't, I offered Utada my arm. She took it hesitantly, and together we left the station, heading for the Tendo Dojo.

- - -

I knocked on the door to the dojo, contemplating just how I was going to explain the presence of Pink to Ranma. I didn't have time however, as the door immediately opened to reveal Ranma.

"Gosunkugi!" He bowed quickly then gave me a firm handshake. He nodded towards Pink and gave me a suggestive wink, leaning over and saying in an exaggerated stage-whisper, "Who's the babe?"

Pink heard, of course, and started sputtering. I didn't get a chance to introduce her, however, as a exasperated sigh of "Baka!" was followed quickly by the meaty sound of a palm slapping the back of his head, hard.

"Forgive my husband, Gosunkugi-kun. He hasn't quite learned manners, yet." Akane stepped out of the entryway, casting a glare at Ranma and bowing to both me and Pink at the same time.

"I'm Akane Saotome, and this lug is my husband, Ranma. And you are, miss?"

I spoke up first. "This is Pink Fresh. She's… part of the problem I came to talk to you about." All three sets of eyes turned to look at me. Akane looked guarded, while Ranma looked speculatively at me. They were probably remembering all my failed high-school attempts to ensnare Akane. "It's nothing like that. It's… complicated. Can we go inside?"

Akane brightened. "Of course? Where are my manners? Come in, please!"

---

I explained everything I could while Akane set the table. Pink offered what help she could, but she didn't have much more information to supply except that I had transformed into some hideous looking beast at the club. That was news to me.

Ranma looked at me and then her, taking it all in. "Hmmm…" He rubbed his chin. "And you have no memory of this, right, Gosunkugi?"

I shook my head. Akane came out of the kitchen, bearing a large tray of… something. It smelt… I don't know. Kind of like a chemical factory. I began to get uneasy as she set a small bowl of… liquid in front of me.

She smiled sweetly and placed a bowl in front of Pink and Ranma, respectively. Ranma didn't even glance down, concentrating instead on me. Pink looked at the bowl and swallowed nervously.

I was glad I came here, though. Ranma seemed so confident. Even more so than when I was in high-school. He had matured, filled out, and seemed at peace. I took a sip of the soup as soon as Akane sat down and we all gave thanks.

I saw a kaleidoscope of colors, heard Pink gasp, and then Ranma's voice yelling about going outside. That was the last thing I remember, until later, when it was dark, and I was outside on my back, Ranma's form standing over me, a blazing ball of chi in his hand. He looked scary, but relieved to see me. Pink was standing on the balcony, hands clutched to her heart.

Akane was muttering something about checking the recipe card again. I had no idea what that meant, but I was in a lot of pain.

---

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I was standing on my bed, stapling the Christmas lights back onto my ceiling in the shape of a pentagram back with a desk stapler while holding the string of lights between my teeth. My shoulders ached – I wasn't used to holding my arms above my head for any length of time, so even the weight of the stapler was becoming difficult over time. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing, and very nearly stapled my finger to the ceiling. My thoughts were bouncing around in my head, dwelling on the scene from the train station, and then meeting with Ranma.

Pink was currently walking around my tiny apartment, trying unsuccessfully to straighten up the mess with only one working arm. She was dragging a trash bag around the place, throwing away trash and struggling to pick up some of the heavier books and put them on a shelf.

"Do you really need to put that thing up, Hikaru?"

I looked at her and shrugged. "I guess not." Who am I? Really? Who is Hikaru Gosunkigi? Do I have a true identity? Ranma, Akane, and Pink had both been muttering about my other form. When I had woken up, Ranma looked rather tired, beat up, but happy. Pink had been scared and worried. Akane just looked irritated. All this introspection was getting me no where – it was only succeeding in making me even more glum than usual. I got off the bed to use the bathroom.

I took one step towards the bathroom when a flaming arrow flew in through the open window, embedding itself in the wall.

Pink screamed. I blinked. Was the arrow flaming?

"How in the hell do you guys do that, anyway?" Pink just shrugged and blushed.

I didn't seem to think it was important, anyway. I was having such trouble remembering. Anyway, there was a note attached, so I reached up and carefully untied it from the arrow shaft, unfolding it to read.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The letter was simple, but beautifully written in careful calligraphy.

"You, Hikaru Gosunkugi, are truly dastardly. Subverting the enemy to weaken their strength will allow us to destroy the earth with ease. Nothing can stop us! Your minions stand by; ready to do your will.

Sincerely,

Zarray, the army of evil."

I heard a movement from the window. Before I could stop her, Pink looked out and gasped.

As far as I could see in either direction, a line of men stood with their heads down, legs spread and arms crossed in front of their bodies. The ranks were three or four deep this time, not just the single file line from the last missive. The same uniform –the green-hooded nylon track jackets with a large golden chain, and black track pants with white stripes up the sides. At the end of the gold chain, the letters HG stood out in massive bling, sparkling in the street lamps.

They looked up at Pink. She stepped back from the window, eyes wide with fright. "How.. How…" She backed into the kitchen sink, the trash bag in her hands falling to the floor as she raised her good arm in front of her, as if to ward off the sounds of the Army of Zarray, in thier blood-red masks with oversized, crazy eyes and wicked grins.

They raised their arms in a military salute from the chest. In one voice, they cried, "We Salute you, Lord Gosunkugi! We Salute you, Lord Gosunkugi! We Salute you, Lord Gosunkugi!"

The cry echoed through the night air, drowning out the cries of Pink's denials.

- - -

I ended up sleeping with Pink that night. Actually, I lost my virginity to her. The first time was a little embarrassing, but after the third or fourth try, things got much better. I don't know what came over me, but by the end of the evening she was worn out and I felt surprisingly good. She was still asleep when I woke up in the morning.

Pink told me that evening, "I want to know what you're thinking." I never really thought about it before, but I never really understood myself, either. What kind of person am I? Why did I sleep with her? I mean, she was fantastic looking, and even though I had no basis for comparison, pretty fantastic in the sack as well. She clearly was not a virgin, and had some moves that were just mind blowing.

She said she loved me. She cried as she told me this, saying she didn't want me to go through with my plan.

What plan was that? Did I love her? I had no idea. It seemed like half my mind was hidden from me.

In the morning, when she woke up, I turned to her and kissed her. She reciprocated greedily. I pulled back and looked at her, really looked at her. "You want to get married?"

She wasn't able to tell me yes for quite awhile, as she was either too busy kissing me or crying.

- - -

We set the date for only a few days later. At the altar, Ranma was my best man. I don't know why he agreed, but he did. He looked smug. My parents were there as well, looking a little shell shocked but beaming none-the-less. My minions were there as well, filling up the groom's side of the chapel. On Pink's side, the whole Freshman team was there, glaring at me balefully. But, they made no move towards me. I said my vows, Pink said hers, and for the moment, I didn't care about the Freshman or the Army of Darkness. We exchange rings, kissed, and were pronounced man and wife.

I still remember him telling me that I was an okay guy all those years ago in high school. I mean, he hardly knew me, honestly. But then again, Pink knew me even less than he did, but here I was with her, married.

I hadn't really thought about it, but you know, love's a funny thing. It doesn't make sense, and even if you don't know who you really are, sometimes, if someone loves you, no matter what the reason, that can be enough to make you happy. It can validate your existence or crush you. You can laugh and cry and fight and love, clean up after the other person or make messes as you desire. You can just be with the person and be content, or sad if you are away from them. Even if Ranma told me I had some sort of evil being locked in my subconscious, I wouldn't be able to destroy the earth as long as he was around.

He was confident we'd find some way to purge it, but in the mean time he was really enjoying himself. Apparently, Akane's cooking was enough to fully break the prison it was in and release the beast within me. The process had been started with the Rolling Bomber – it had somehow weakened the seal, making it possible in the first place. Come nightfall, I would change, only to wake up in my bedroom, with no memory of what had happened.

They took pictures. I was hideous – nearly twelve feet tall with wicked looking spines on my back, heinous, horrible black scales covering my body, a matching set of claws and a wicked temper. But, for the first time in a long time, Ranma had a sparing partner he didn't have to hold back on, ever. Akane hadn't forgiven him quite yet for being proven right that her cooking really was as horrible as he always claimed. Ranma said the trade off for no sex for a month had been worth it - he'd learned all sorts of cool techniques as a result of fighting my other form every day. How did this thing get inside me? It was probably one of the various books on magic I had bought. I've given up on them now. Maybe I really could destroy the earth if I wanted to.

But why would I want to destroy the world? Was it because nobody had liked me in high school, or was it for some other reason? Is this what Ranma felt? Knowing you were always the outsider, never normal? Never finding acceptance? But he had, somehow. Even though his marriage was far from normal, they both looked happy.

Pink squeezed my hand, bringing me back to the present.

- - -

The limo pulled up to the curve and Pink and I got in. She climbed in my lap as we sped away, eager to start our honeymoon. Her lips locked onto mine, and I don't remember much about the ride to the resort, as there was a flurry of clothing, kissing, and sex.

Later that day, I was lying in bed with my new wife. It still felt strange to say that. Wife. Who would have thought? Who would have known? Who would have that that I'd be married to someone like her, and that she'd be happy with me?

Who?

Who was I? I know I used to be someone that ran from everything, seeking solace in dark arts, convinced nobody cared for me. Who am I now? I don't know, but I do know that my name is Hikaru Gosunkugi, and I think that I'm in love and that… I just might be happy.

Night fall was coming, and I had to get out of here to meet Ranma. She didn't like seeing my form, but claimed that I never hurt her while I was in it. The same was not true for the other Freshman, though. I kissed her again, waking her.

"I'll be back shortly, love. Ranma will drop me off when he's done."

She nodded and stroked my cheek. "I love you, Hikaru."

I smiled and kissed her palm. "I love you too, Pink."

She rolled back over and was already asleep by the time I made my way to the front door.

----

END

----

I make no excuses. I have no idea where all these blood stories are coming from. Of course this was inspired by "rolling bomber special," but it was a fun and challenging story to write.

Reviews, comments, flames welcome. All in a days work.


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